Do we really hate that which we say we hate? Do we really love that which we say we love?
Often when we ask people if they really hate or love something, they sit back, think about it, and then correct themselves, saying that they do not actually love or hate that thing.
Love and hate are both powerful declarations of intention, love being positive intention and hate being negative intention (more on this later). As for declaration of intention, we can use different words, but it’s easier to categorize them in three levels, for both positive and negative intention:
For positive intention, the list goes: Like, Adore, and Love.
For negative intention, the list goes: Dislike, Disdain, and Hate.
Defining the Levels
For Dislike, one finds something as not pleasant. Inversely, For Like, one finds something as pleasant. In both matters, either Liking or Disliking, it is a superficial level of comfortability, meaning that you don’t have to know the thing in question too well, in order to like it or dislike it (For example, I don’t like ketchup, because of the texture).
For Disdain, one does not find the worth of something, or sees it as not worthy in any way, shape or form. For Adore, one sees the worth of something, and sees how it can be worthy in different ways, shapes, or forms. In both matters, either Disdain or Adore, one needs to have experience with something, or the effects of it, meaning that you’re not able to have disdain for something you’ve only seen, tasted, heard, felt, smelt, or thought of once (For example, I have tried ketchup multiple times, but I can’t bring myself to care about it anymore).
For Hate, one actively wishes against the existence of something, brandishing that thing to be what you strive against. For Love, one actively wishes for the benefit and growth of something, doing everything in your power for that thing to grow into the best version of itself. Out of the two words of the highest intention, Hate is the one most often misused, as people are willing to accept that they love something, rather than hating it.
Why Do You Need to Love Something First, Before Hating it?
Love involves a deep knowing of the thing or person in question, for when you love something, you wish to know as much of it as you can, in order to help it flourish. However, in the process of knowing, you may find out that there are aspects of that thing that are difficult to ignore, these aspects being habits, ways of thought, or the message/values they hold dear. Love is also a process, as one needs to go through liking it, adoring it, and then loving it. It is important to go through the process of liking, adoration, and then love, for if you “love” something without knowing it, it is just infatuation. After you’ve found said aspects, you are past the point of being infatuated, for now you’re in the process of knowing the thing, and then are presented with two ways of processing these aspects: you either grow into accepting these aspects, and learning to love the thing in question with their aspects, or one rejects the aspects, opting to go down the path of destruction, that of hate. However, one needs to go through the learning process first, meaning one needs to learn to love the thing first, before one learns to hate it.
Hate is a personal, specific type of negative intention. Unlike disdain, hate is quite active. With disdain, one no longer finds the worth in something, and therefore refuses to give it any value, either by completely ignoring the thing in question, or not treating it as something with value, a reaction of pure apathy. With hate, one can still participate in the knowing process, but only for harm towards the thing. Instead of becoming apathetic to the thing, one actively seeks to destroy or harm the thing. Usually, when people say that they hate something or someone, they really intend to mean that they either dislike or have a sense of disdain towards that thing.
It is important to distinguish what we intend, as by using more precise language, we are able to convey our thoughts more clearly and efficiently. For example, if someone hears about a murder on the news, one cannot say that they hate the murderer, for they do not know the murderer. One can definitely say that they dislike the murderer, or depending on experience, have disdain with the action of murder. For the action of murder, one can know certain aspects about the action of murder, and by knowing certain aspects about murder, then one can have disdain for it (meaning not seeing the value of murder). However, if the murderer is someone you know personally, such as a childhood friend, and you see that he has murdered his mother, a person that you both loved, as she cared for you like her own child, as she did her own, then that potential for hate seeps in. The passion for knowing what went wrong, and the overwhelming desire of getting revenge for the murder of a joint loved one, allows for hatred to develop, as the want to know about the person still grows, but now to hurt/destroy the person, along with their aspects. That hate, that desire to destroy becomes greater than the love you had for your childhood (ex)friend, now a murderer.
This also applies with positive intention, as people might say they love an actor, but they don’t know the actor as a person, but rather through movies and some interviews. If one has watched many interviews with the actor, as well as repeatedly seen them in movies, then one can say that he/she adores that actor. If you’ve only seen an actor once, either in a movie, interview, or any other space, you could say that you like the actor, as you have little knowledge of the actor. However, if that actor is your child, and you remember your child always impersonating his favorite characters, reenacting his favorite scenes from shows and movies, and constantly working on his skills as an actor, your love for your child only continues grows. You come to know more and more of your child: How he deals with failure, how he falls, how he continues to push forward, how he succeeds. As his parent, your desire to see your child grow into the best version of himself, becomes greater and more important than your own life. With love, what gives you the greatest joy is seeing your child on the big screen, after all that time honing his craft, seeing his passion pay off. At this point, your love for that child is beyond evident, but you’ll still know him as that child that he was all those years ago, while respecting the work he put in his craft.
To Wrap It All Up…
Love and Hate are specific, personal, and the highest form of intention, positive and negative respectively. One needs to love the thing first, before one hates it, as loving involves a deep knowing of the thing/person, which hate requires to develop. Each level of intention is separate from the other, and requires a different level of knowing the thing in question, for each one. It’s best to understand how liking is different from adoring, which is different from loving, such as disliking is different from disdain, and disdain is different from hating. By understanding these differences, we’re able to have more precise language, and understand our intention behind what we say more clearly, to really say what we mean, and not what we think we mean.
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