Ronald steps into the brand-new world’s largest Walmart, which was nearly at max capacity, despite the ads boasting it could hold nearly 100,000 people. Even so, Ronald wanted to update his store blog, especially finding an update to his newest series on finding the “Store with the best inventory-to-capacity ratio in the World”. So far, IKEA had been taking the cake, but Ronald wanted to see what the newest competitor in town had in store.
Despite wanting to test the limits of this new Walmart, he had a fairly simple, yet weird list to complete: Packing tape, Movie scripts, Trinkets, Bed Sheets, and New Sneakers. This Walmart had announced their “Specialty rows”, which had a new variety of things, changing every month.
Unfortunately, due to the capacity, most of the electric scooters were taken, which meant Ronald had to run everywhere he needed to go. So much for coming in nice clothes to take pictures of each experience. Ronald jogged to the School materials sections, finding a clutter of unused scooters tossed to the side, and brooding teenagers gawking and pointing around the aisles. He passed by them, holding his breath to avoid getting Old Spice smell poisoning, and grabbed a small roll of tape. Ronald poses for a picture, holding his first totem of accomplishment next to his face. He puts the tape in his Walmart bag, then gets laughed at by the teenagers, apparently for “taking pictures like a dad” and “not closing his mouth when taking selfies.”
Ronald jogs towards the entertainment sector, filled with arrays of TVs, gaming consoles, Movies, and the newest/hottest things in technology. Unfortunately, this also brought in many unwashed, unkempt men in their mid-20s, who smelled worse than the teenagers before. Unlike before, Ronald could not hold his breath near the horde, as his eyes would immediately tear up from the smell. Any aisle he tried stepping into, he was immediately met with the stench of death, prompting him to step back. He scratched his head, then looked at one of the Walmart workers nearby, who was wearing a gas mask.
“Excuse me,” asks Ronald, “this might be weird, but do you have any extra of those?”
“Oh you mean this?” Says the worker, pointing to the mask. “Unfortunately, these are specifically for all of us working in the Electronics sector. Were you looking for something in particular?”
“I see, I just wanted to grab a movie script. Any kind really.”
“Oh perfect, I’m more than happy to grab it for you. Most of the traffic is by the games section, and the scripts are in the other direction. Follow me.”
Ronald follows the worker, and looks back, seeing one of the workers in the games section walking around in a Hazmat suit. Poor guy.
Eventually, the worker shows the script copies they have, Ronald thanks him, then picks up the 3rd draft script for the Titanic. On the side, there are also little trinkets for certain movie characters, matching the scripts next to them. Ronald also picks up a Titanic keychain, and poses with both the script and the trinket.
Ronald starts running all the way to the middle of the store, stepping into the bedding and house aisle. He sniffs the air, not catching any whiffs of terrible odors lingering around. He steps into the middle of the aisle, where the bed displays were, and immediately gets hit in the nuts by a child. Ronald goes down, scattering towards nearby cover. He looks over, seeing the warzone that had erupted in front of him. Young kids were zooming past, hitting each other with pillows, choking each other with bed sheets, and using comforters to mark their “territory”. A plethora of children laid on the floor, squirming, crying, with all the parents on the sidelines, watching hell unfold.
Ronald tries going prone, hoping to dodge any stray pillows, but then bumps into a wall of kids, all wearing bedsheets as capes. They all stare at Ronald, who slowly gets up, and tries walking away. He puts his hands up, then looks across. The bags of empty bed sheet bags were thrown all across, yet one remained. A single bag of brown, queen-sized bed sheets — exactly the size he needed. Ronald knew the kids didn’t like brown, since it would remind them of poop. A wave of determination struck him. Suddenly, he charged forwards, pushing any kids aside. He got hit multiple times, in the stomach, in the face, on the ankles, and everywhere else he could feel pain. But he strided forward, pushing against the endless malice of the creativity of children. He lost his glasses, his notebook, and his shoes, but his soul stayed intact.
After knocking over a bunch of children, he stopped in front of the bag, holding it up in victory. He looked back, seeing the wave of children slowly approaching him. Ronald looked in front of him, seeing the shoe aisle right in front of them. If he was going to escape the horde, he would need some good running gear.
Ronald jumped towards the other aisle, climbing on top of the shelves, avoiding the waves and waves of teething, angry little shits. He jumps forward, holding his Walmart bag and the brown sheet bag close to him. Each jump made Ronald lose his footing, made even worse by the rattling of the kids. Yet, the New Balance section was so close, he only needed a few more jumps. Athletes looked up, watching Ronald jump on each shelving unit, stepping closer to see the action. Ronald jumped again, and looked at the distance of him and the last jump. It was too far. The rumbling and screams of the children pervaded all around him, and so Ronald closed his eyes.
Then, he heard a voice. A voice deeper than the kids around him. Then another, then another, and another. He opened his eyes, seeing the athletes hold back the children, shouting motivational quotes at him, prompting him to jump forwards. Ronald stood up, stretched his legs, then squatted down like a sumo, eyeing the distance. And so he jumped.
And BOOM! Ronald face-planted onto the floor. Everyone looked at him, but he stood up, and grabbed his sneakers, taking one last picture with the sneakers and the sheets.
But he had to run. The kids were starting to break through the athletes, the horde almost being released. Quickly, Ronald slips on the sneakers, puts the handles of both bags in his mouth, positions himself on the floor, then runs. The rumble of the horde grows behind him, but he continues moving forward, the bags flying behind him, like wings caressing the air. Crowds of people watch as he drifts across each corner, outpacing the horde by a few arms length.
Ronald pants, looking around for any signs, then spots it towards the end: The sign for the registers. Yet, his stamina starts to fail him. Sweat falls down his forehead, and the clawing arms of the kids inch closer and closer to the bags. Then Ronald looks forward, seeing a lone Walmart worker stand in the middle of the store. Ronald tries to wave him away, pointing towards the horde behind him.
The worker simply smiles, pulling out a walkie-talkie. A kid nips a corner of the bag, making Ronald push even harder, passing the worker. In a split moment, the worker smiles and presses a button on his device.
Suddenly, all the angry parents from before pour out from the aisle, making the horde slow down to a complete stop. Ronald slows down, watching as the horde slowly gets taken over by the wall of parents, with wails and crying filling the entire store. Ronald hurries over, making sure to steer clear of the scene.
He heads to the register, and puts his bags, and his shoes on the treadmill. The worker scans them, Ronald pays, and now… it’s all done.
Ronald stumbles out of the world’s largest Walmart, people looking at him like a homeless man on the subway. But he succeeded, and he’ll head back home to write his blog, marking this new Walmart as a potential successor to the IKEA throne.
Now, all he has to do is find his car… in the world’s largest parking lot.
If you would like what you read and would like to support my newfound writing journey, subscribe to me on Patreon or Ko-Fi below! I will be forever grateful!
